Author Archives: callmesalticidae

Wizard School: Shadow Wizard

In the monochrome cities of Illinoir, Shadow Wizards are the Monocrat’s secret police. Operating beyond the reach of Sun’s bright rays and holy gaze, the Shadow Wizards are the last word in enforcing the Colorfast Decree.

Theirs is a dangerous life, because not only do they have to contend with the Pigment Mafia, but some of their own cannot be trusted: not only have some turned coat in exchange for gilded coins and lush hues, but the shadows themselves are intelligent and resentful of their subordinate condition, and never rest in trying to seize control or at least hurt their controllers.

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Squeaking Immaculus (Sponge Demon)

Devils (usually) live in the cavernous bowels of Hell, but demons are another thing entirely: mutated spells with psychoplasmic bodies.  The Squeaking Immaculus, or sponge demon, is produced from Randolph’s abrasive cleanser, which doesn’t find much use among dungeon delvers for some reason.

The biggest trouble with Squeaking Immaculi is that they can hold all kinds of liquids, including potions, for later use. The second biggest trouble is that they’re clever enough to use this to their full advantage, turning invisible at a moment’s notice and crawling up the walls with a potion of spider climb to make an unseen attack from above, or spraying the party with oil and then using a potion of fire breath on its next turn.

When it comes to sponge demons, oozes count as “liquid” and may be soaked up (and spewed out) like anything else, which makes them indispensable to alchemists (whose experiments can produce oozes when they go wrong).

Rules for the Squeaking Immaculus, and for Randolph’s abrasive cleanser, below the cut.

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GLOG Mech & Kaiju Posts directory

At some point I’m going to run a Neon GLOGesis Evangelion game. When the time comes to buckle down and finish the rules, I want everything to be in a tidy place for easy reference. I’m drawing mostly on the mechanics from A Blasted, Cratered Land, but all of these posts are worth going through if you plan to run GLOG mechs.

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Objective Dog Ratings: Havanese

The Havanese

Like other bichon-type dogs, the Havanese is distinguished by their curling tails, floppy “drop” ears, large dark eyes, short snouts, and tendency to not shed. They are descended from the extinct Blanquito de la Habanao, plus some amount of poodle. On some Havanese, the fur is “corded” rather than brushed out, as seen in the middle picture on the left.

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Polyphores, Chimeras, and Hydras

Sooner or later, most wizards will try their hand at creating life. The artificer makes golems of stone, of bronze, of steel. The bibliothurge writes people and even nations in such detail that they acquire a substance of their own. The illusionist attempts a fakery so total, so complete, that it is indistinguishable from a normal mind. The necromancer produces assemblages of many corpses and tries their withered hand at lichdom. It is, perhaps, the hallmark of wizardry: the desire to be a Creator.

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Coyote knows what wizards are all about.

Most wizards produce life of the sort that is clad in flesh. Even the Orthodox wizard, who may be as far removed as any from the grotesqueries of biomancy, can do it, though it will take work and time and cleverness in equal measure.

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Contagious Goblinism + List of Goblin Generators

If there are elves there are goblin elves. If there are apes there may be goblin apes. If there is a house which should not be able to stand, whose shadow kills the grass and whose silhouette on the hillside makes people avert their gaze, this is a goblin house. Put enough of those together and you’ve goblinly goblinned yourself quite a goblin city, one filled with goblins. Goblin your eyes.

Goblins are neither genus nor species. They are a kind, a type, and anything can become goblin, or come to be a goblin. Their language is incredibly goblin, and goblin goblins use the word “goblin” for many other parts of speech (numbers, definite articles, pronouns) we might recognize, with the rest of their language sounding like burbles, chittering, angry growls, and sorrowful moans.

Daniel Dean on goblins

Some folk don’t start out the way you see them now. Trolls are blessed/cursed with a kind of semi-stable cancer. True vampires have sold their souls to one of the stars above, and lesser vampires have been made franchisees to that relationship. The soldiers of the Pigment Mafia are called “made men” because they have been made into wererats.

Goblinism is contagious. Humans can catch it. Orcs can catch it. Foxlings, foxes, and fields of foxglove can catch it. Mostly you catch goblinism by eating goblin food, which is to say, food that’s caught goblinism.

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this shark has caught goblinism

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Gloggy Portmanteaus

From the OSR Discord a few days ago. Preserved for posterity.

You may also like this post from Throne of Salt.

  • AETLENGASH – a severe abrasion caused by the skin of a basilisk
  • AIGRE, a sudden tide of blood or other bodily fluids
  • ALGETETIC, someone who insists on asking painful questions
  • ANTEDENTATE, possessing trapping-teeth in the throat but no biting-teeth in the jaws

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10 Rations + some fatigue/hunger rules

Many rations are commonly wrapped in corn or squash leaves, and clams can be pickled in the shell for easy transportation. Both corn and rice may be included so that you can “pop” on a hot surface and have something to eat while you’re waiting for your rations to cook up. Where a nutritive supplement is needed, rations will usually include algae or seaweed cakes, which can be eaten as-is or dissolved in water for broth.

Additional food info, plus hunger rules, below the cut. 

  1. Fatcakes. Patties of dried and beaten meat, berries, and rendered fat. Especially in the West, some fatcakes use corn flour in addition to, or instead of, meat. They may be eaten raw, boiled, or fried. Lasts for several months, or up to a year if kept cool.
  2. Grot grub. This is a popular (or at least widespread…) ration found underground. It is composed of strips of meat (bats, mice, or crab and fish from underground lakes) that have been salted, smoked, and pickled in cave slime.  Where available, it may instead be preserved in honey, which, in the Veins, is less often the sort of bee with which surface-dwellers are familiar with, but rather a “vulture bee” which makes its honey from the stuff of corpses.
  3. Gutpowder. Meat and fruit can be dried and ground into a long-lasting powder that can be eaten as-is or mixed with water to make soup. Squash blossoms may be included to thicken the soup.
  4. Hot pot: Butter beans and climbing beans, meat, and pomatoes, usually dried and meant to be rehydrated as a soup. Its name comes from the customary inclusion of pickled chilis or pepper berries, whose initial sweetness leads to a short but intense heat.
  5. Journeycake. Corn meal, fruit (usually berries), nut butter, and mashed squash, mashed and mixed together and pressed into a bar or “cake.”
  6. Soup glewA little something from the Empires Beyond the Sea: “scrap meat” is boiled, strained, and boiled some more until you get a pasty jelly residue, which is air dried, cut, and powdered with flour. Stonebread crumbles and dried, diced vegetables are commonly added at some point in the process, because they’ll be reconstituted when the soup glew is boiled in water and, well, made into soup.
  7. Stewdle. Take one eel or snake, salt thoroughly, and then stuff it with cornmeal, squash, and a bit of seaweed before hot-smoking it. Most travelers prefer to eat them in the pot, but they lend themselves to being roasted over the fire just as easily.
  8. Trotters mix: Nuts, dried fruit, and small pieces of cheese that have been pressed, dried, cut, and dried again over a fire. The cheese has a very tough consistency, similar to stonebread, and, like stonebread, must be moistened before it can be chewed (because of their size, a piece of stonecheese can be moistened in the mouth while one walks).
  9. Waybread. Basically a handheld pie: bread filled with fat, fruit, and meat, all chopped and dried and sometimes pickled in cider brine.
  10. Whitepaste. Cured roe, rendered fat, berries, and the bulbs and stems of plants, ground and packed together to form, well, a white paste that is usually eaten raw. Also called white fatcakes.

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